Hillbilly Report Jan. 20, 2007 The following are Hillbilly predictions for 2007. I didn’t hear these from God like Pat Robertson. I heard most of these down at the truck stop.
Ernie Fletcher will have an affair with Ann Coulter, he will get pregnant and have an abortion.
Mitch McConnell will get caught ‘chowing’ down on something other than food.
Ron Lewis will be elevated to Grand Wizard, of the Klu Klux Klan and Kayi Lewis will have to buy new sheets.
The largest oil reserve known to man will be found under the White House. George Bush will invade Washington D.C., start drilling for oil, do away with the constitution, proclaim himself king and live happily ever after.
Rush Limpball will get his pills mixed up and take a Viagra instead of a pain pill, he will fall and break his minuscule Di**.
Duke Cunningham will find a boy friend.
Pat Robertson will become a Muslim to insure a larger TV audience.
Bill O’Reilly will miss 3 months of work, due to severe beating at the hands of Keith Olbermann.
Dick Cheney will go duck hunting and never be seen again.
Mark Foley and Ted Haggard will fall in love with each other and get married.
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Wed Dec 6, 4:12 PM ET NASHVILLE, Tenn. - An American Airlines flight was forced to make an emergency landing Monday morning after a passenger lit a match to disguise the scent of flatulence, authorities said. The Dallas-bound flight was diverted to Nashville after several passengers reported smelling burning sulfur from the matches, said Lynne Lowrance, spokeswoman for the Nashville International Airport Authority. All 99 passengers and five crew members were taken off and screened while the plane was searched and luggage was screened. The FBI questioned a passenger who admitted she struck the matches in an attempt to conceal a "body odor," Lowrance said. She had an unspecified medical condition, authorities said. "It's humorous in a way but you feel sorry for the individual, as well," she said. "It's unusual that someone would go to those measures to cover it up." The flight took off again, but the woman was not allowed back on the plane. The woman, who was not identified, was not charged in the incident